“The haters gonna hate…”
That’s a line in Taylor Swift’s song ‘Shake it off’ and I love it.
Not because I love haters, or indeed hate, I don’t. But because it helps me to remember that it is not worth my time and energy to worry about negative feedback or criticism that is not constructive. You know when people are clearly just wanting to take issue with you? When they have at best surface knowledge of what they are criticising, and they don’t even bother asking you about why you are doing it? Yes exactly.
The song continues by saying ‘But I am just going to shake…, I shake it off’. That is of course easier said than done, but it is possible. Here are a few key things that really help me to ‘shake it off’:
Don’t take it personally
That’s just what some people do, they take issue with you, just for the sake of it, ‘haters gonna hate’. In fact, one of the tools that has really helped me here is the 20-60-20 rule that I also discuss in my book Fears to Fierce. It basically says that as a general rule, the people around you, at work, or any circle (can be your local tennis club) roughly divide into 20-60-20. Where 20% will love you, they adore you and are your cheerleaders. 60% are undecided, they either don’t have enough information yet, or they just haven’t given it the time to decide what they think of you. And the other 20% they don’t like you. I can hear you taking a sharp breath in – I know. It’s so hard to even think about people not liking us, right? But the good news is if this is a rule, it doesn’t really have to do anything with you personally, it’s just how it goes. So then comes the liberation! What if you just didn’t worry about the 20% of people who don’t like you and you focused on your support squad and the 60% who haven’t made up their mind yet? That still gives you a lot to do, but it will be far more rewarding based on my experience, and the 20% who don’t like you, just leave them – ‘the haters gonna hate’…
With most things that you do, you are the expert.
You will have spent time thinking through your actions, weighing different options up. You will have thought about the pros and the cons and here you are now, having taken your decision and gone forward. And now you are receiving criticism from people who frankly are just not as well informed as you are. Therefore, another tool that has helped me to ‘shake it off’ is asking myself, do they know more about this than I do? And if the answer is no, then I shake it off.
Everyone is on a journey and we all have moments where we react from a place of fear.
I have had people oppose my decisions, or question them because they were fearful, for me, or maybe for them. Often such fearful responses are disguised as objective criticisms. Next time, take a moment when you get feedback that doesn’t feel right and ask yourself what is underneath it? I often find that the feedback has more to do with the person’s personal journey than the issue at stake. That helps me to ‘shake it off’ and stick to my guns.
The fear that people will criticise us so often holds us back. That’s why I wanted to share my thoughts on this subject, because I have learned that when we follow our fierce and we don’t let fear decide our actions, we create change around us. I know we are all strong enough not to be liked and when we worry less about being liked and more about following our fierce, we take actions, that are exciting to us and will inspire others around us. There are many times when I have done this personally and professionally and it has so far always paid off.
I remember at the beginning at Women for Women International when I started to develop relationships with fashion and beauty brands. There were people who did not like it and were very critical. Mainly because they did not have all the information. As soon as I explained the significant contributions that the brands were making to our ability to serve women in countries affected by conflict, they understood why I was wearing their clothes and promoting the brand and our partnership. I had of course developed a clear strategy, carefully thought this through and had done due diligence, so I knew I was the expert. That gave me the confidence to ‘shake it off’.
Let me know what your experience has been and what tools you use to stay true to your fierce!