Reframe Your Own Story
What story is holding you captive? And I don’t mean the stories we read – though talking about stories that are captivating – I just finished reading ‘Burnt Sugar’ by Avni Doshi and wow what a book. I highly recommend it. However, that is not what I am referring to.
I mean the stories we make up in our heads and keep repeating over and over again, until they become more like facts, that we don’t question.
Through my coaching work, I know many of us have these stories that are keeping us from fully tapping into our power. In my TEDx talk I spoke about how I have always felt too tall, too loud, too difficult, too much. This feeling ‘too much’ led me to making myself smaller, trying to be more quiet, demure, trying to fit in.
My story of being too loud and too passionate and too intense has had a lot of power over me.
This is what happens: As long as we accept them, we don’t even realise the power they have over us. In my case, they directly fed into my fear of not fitting in. Once we look at them and we question them, we can then reframe them. That is how they lose their power over us. As we unfold our power and we reclaim our agency, we choose the stories we WANT to live by.
Sometimes others can help us reframe the stories by how they interact with us and how they reflect back to us how they see us. I had one of those moments recently when Nicki Bannerman interviewed me for the ‘Influential Women’ podcast (the episode will air in March 2021). It was such a magical and moving moment and was completely unexpected.
She referred to my TEDx talk and what I just shared with you above and then she said:
‘Maybe that narrative can be viewed slightly differently. I think you turned it into a positive with your life work and I think you have turned it on its head - because you do stand tall to help all women instead of being too tall, you give much with your inspiration to others instead of being too much, you speak loudly for other causes rather than being too loud and instead of being too difficult I think you face difficulty and make a difference!’
It was incredible to hear her say this.
I had definitely decided a while ago not to think of myself as too much anymore and embrace my too much-ness. In fact, I often share this wonderful poem by Ev’Yan Whitney called The Too Much Woman because it is an incredible expression of how we are taught to keep our power small when our too-muchness is a gift! And yet, I had not directly reframed it in a way that allowed me to own the essence of me, which was there in the story but had been framed with negative connotations. That is what Nicki did for me.
Brene Brown talks about owning your story in her book ‘Dare to Lead’ which I finished reading this weekend. She says:
‘When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending. And when we don’t own our stories of failure, setbacks, and hurt – they own us.’
So what are the stories that are keeping you captive? Write them down and ask yourself: ‘How can I reframe them?’ What story would my best friend tell about me? Write that down! Which story will help you to unfold your power better? Choose that one!
Remember: You are the hero of your story. You are the change you are dreaming of!