How often do you get the sense that something isn’t quite right? That maybe what your colleague is saying doesn’t quite sit right, and yet you go along with it? Or maybe what your friend suggested isn’t what you want, and yet you agree to do it? Or maybe you had an idea that momentarily excited you and then you drop it, because… well yes why?

All those instances are examples where we have an intuitive knowing about ourselves, about what feels right for us, what we want deep down inside of us. And yet, so often we override this knowing by telling ourselves that it doesn’t matter, that it’s silly, that it’s not so important.

I was listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast ‘We can do hard things’ and she was talking to Melody Beattie, an author who has written extensively about Co-dependence. And she says at one point that

“There is no one as good at gaslighting us than we are.”

I was running at the time, and it stopped me in my tracks. I had never thought of it as gaslighting and the minute I did, I just loved it, because it adequately describes how I make myself feel when I override my own intuitive knowing. I mean it’s just wild if you stop and think about it. We know something that feels totally right one moment and the next we tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter, that we don’t really feel it and to just go ahead and abide by what others want, rather than acknowledge what we want. It is no wonder that we do not trust ourselves, if we are constantly overriding our own intuitive knowing.

Trust is such an important pillar in all my work. Nurturing trust is a key module in my Step Into Your Power course, and it involves listening to the voices in our head, how we talk to ourselves, and creating enough space so we can get to observe and then choose which voice we want to listen to and act on. When we choose to listen to our intuitive knowing, everything changes, because we are choosing to respect ourselves. We literally observe ourselves trusting and listening to our inner knowing. And every time we do, we nurture more trust in ourselves. What makes us trust ourselves is what makes us trust others. It’s no different. If someone never listens to me and tells me I don’t really mean what I say, I will feel undermined and will not trust or like that person. That’s why when we override our intuitive knowing, we lose trust in ourselves.

When we talk about this in the course or in my one-to-one coaching sessions, the question of how we can distinguish the voices and know our intuitive voice, often emerges. In my experience, this is not an easy process, because we have been conditioned to override our intuitive knowing, which directly links to our power, for so long, particularly as women. The first step is to set the intention to cultivate trust in ourselves and commit to listening to our intuitive knowing. When someone asks you a question, the first impulse is often your intuition, because it takes the brain a few milliseconds to kick in, that’s why the second impulse can be quite different, because at that point the brain has kicked in and is now providing information that is assessing the risks of what your intuitive sense told you. That’s where the messiness starts, because now you will be confused. Next time this happens to you, bring awareness to this and remember what the first impulse was. Feel into it and focus on what you WANT. Be honest and if it feels right, stay with it, even though at this point the EGO voice, which wants to keep you safe, is now screaming about danger and using fear to deter you from following your intuition. If you can – and sometimes we can’t find the strength, and that’s also ok – but if you can, act on your intuition and see how it makes you feel. Savour the fact that you honoured your inner knowing, and the impulse of desire and notice how it is building trust in you.

If you are interested in exploring other steps for cultivating trust in yourself, as well as other aspects of self-leadership, then you might want to consider enrolling in the next Step Into Your Power course, starting in January 2023. You can book a call with me here.